Mom left us yesterday afternoon at about 3 p.m. She had taken a dramatic turn for the worse Monday. Her home care nurse advised hospitalization. Yesterday morning her doctor told us she had a matter of hours to live. She passed into the next life peacefully with her family at her side. I feel her absence deeply, of course, and it will probably get worse before it gets better. She was the kindest, gentlest soul I have known. She taught us a faith, a gentleness, and kindness that I pray we will never forget. All of her nurses said she was one of the kindest, sweetest patients they had dealt with.

Mom is in the arms of those who've gone before. She is no longer in pain, and she no longer has to fear the ravages of her diseases. The Lord was kind to her. He took her more quickly than we believed and shortened her pain and suffering on this Earth. I pray He will allow us to live the rest of our lives according to her example. No one could have had a better parent than she was.

I would like to thank Hospice of Midland for their kindness and care in her last days. That has to be a very emotionally difficult job. I don't believe I could perform it with my sanity intact. They treated Mom with kindness and with skill. I would also like to thank the ministers and members of her church family, St. Luke's United Methodist of Midland, Texas, for their kindness during her final years. Finally, but not least, thanks to Brother Bob Porterfield of West Kentucky Baptist Church of Midland who has blessed so many over the years with his words of comfort and his prayers. He has been there for as long as I can remember whenever some one is in hospital locally. His activities have stirred up a good deal of petty jealousy from some of the other local clergy who I suppose fear that he is trying to take people away from their churches. That has never been his intention. Brother Bob just wants to comfort everyone in need regardless of their church affiliation. Surely this is a man to whom the Lord will one day say, "Well done thou good and faithful servant."

Mom's cardiologist has told us that he considers her to be terminal. The aortic valve calcification will only become worse, he says. He says she would not survive valve replacement surgery. She is home now under the care of hospice. I was doing some research on aortic stenosis, and basically confirmed her doctor's estimate of no more than 1 to 2 years survival. I did find that the University of Maryland is doing a new less invasive valve replacement through a tiny incision between the ribs. We are planning to ask her cardiologist about this procedure during her follow up visit on Tuesday.

This morning I awakened before my alarm. I was praying for Mom when I felt compelled to look at the internet. I got out of bed, and turned on my computer. I went to the site of our local newspaper which I look at almost every day. I was surprised to find an article about a local surgeon who is doing the same procedure. This is encouraging. I will ask her doc on Tuesday since I plan to accompany her for her visit. I am definitely not giving up hope yet.

Things can happen quickly. On the 13th we signed a contract for the sale of our current home and found an apartment to live in until the new house is ready. I drove by the new place today. The rough plumbing is done, the footings are poured, and the rebar, wire mesh, and forms are ready for the slab to be poured. I'm sure it's a matter of perception, but the house looks awfully small. I think it is because it's outdoors. Inside twenty feet seems like a large room, but outdoors twenty feet is nothing. The new house is substantially larger than our current one, but appears smaller to me at this point.

Tuesday a bulldozer leveled and cleaned off our lot in preparation for the start of construction on our new home. They also set up the temporary electric pole and meter for construction. This is the first real sign that construction will soon begin. We are still scheduled for May 12 as the start date. We have yet to sell our current home. I sure hope some one comes along soon to buy it from us. Perhaps the new business opening in town next month which will employ over 500 people will heat up the housing market a bit for us.

On the family front, my Mom suffered a mild heart attack on Tuesday and is currently hospitalized. An angiogram today revealed severe blockage in 2 arteries. The doctor deemed them inoperable due to the high risk of causing further damage while trying to place a stent in the arteries. He believes her condition can be improved some with medication including blood thinners. Her cardiologist says that many people live for "years" in that condition. She does have another serious problem, though. Her aortic valve is somewhat calcified and doesn't close completely. The doc says it's not critical, but may become so in the years to come. Offer up a prayer for her if you would, please.

Friday we went to pick out everything for our new house. What a challenge. Picking out bricks, tiles, carpet, cabinets, countertops, appliances, doors, windows, fireplace design, even doorknobs and grass. I never realized that building a new house would be so exhausting. That is over, though, and construction is slated to begin on May 12. We are told that construction will take 75 to 90 days from pouring the foundation to closing day. That sounds pretty fast. I guess the fact that this builder orders all the framing components pre-assembled speeds up construction time considerably. The builder's in-house architect told us the wall frames and roof trusses are delivered already assembled, and that they just set them up and attach them to each other. He told us that since we modified the windows in a couple of the rooms that we shouldn't panic when the walls are first set up because they will be the way they appear on the original plan, and will then be modified to fit our specifications. I suppose that this construction method is why this particular builder is about 20% less expensive than the other builders in town for comparable houses.

We've walked through a number of their homes during various phases of construction, and we've been quite pleased with the quality and appearance of the homes. I hope everything will go smoothly and quickly during the construction of our new home. Now, if we could just sell the house we're in now so we won't be faced with double payments. If you're interested in a nice 3 bedroom 2-1/2 bath condo in Odessa, Texas let us know.

I am sitting here with tears in my eyes. I just finished reading this news item about Daniel Amaya, a local Marine Corporal who was killed in action in Iraq. Daniel's family were interviewed in the article. They speak of how proud they are of their son, and of how much they will miss him. Nowhere in the article do they blame the government or the president for their son's death. As I type this I am holding my sleeping 13 month old in my arms. The words and the tragedy strike too close to home. I do not know this family personally, but they are typical of the people in this city. I salute them and pray for their comfort. Most of all, I say Thank You to their son for his sacrifice for the freedom of others. "Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends." (John 15:13)

Early this morning we were awakened by a flash and a mighty roaring and shaking. Lightning had struck somewhere very close. The house shook, and a car alarm blared. I went downstairs to make certain that it wasn't one of our cars. It wasn't. I thought no more about it, and we went back to sleep. When the sun came up I noticed that there were firetrucks in the alley at the end of our block. Upon further examination, I saw firemen going in and out through a hole in the roof of the apartment building at the end of our block. Yes, lightning had struck very nearby indeed. Such a close call leads one to count his blessings. What if the lightning had struck our townhome rather than a building a couple of hundred yards to the west?

Live each day as though it were your last, the Bible says. The reality of that came a bit closer today than I would have preferred.

The dust has begun to settle on the job front. Thankfully, I am still employed. The announcement came on Monday. The same day my wife called the builder we've had on hold for some time and asked them to begin construction on our future home. We still haven't heard back regarding our counteroffer on our current house, but I am hoping for the best. The builder called back yesterday and told us they could begin construction on May 12. Construction should take about 90 days, so we should be moving in sometime in August. If this house sells in the meantime, we will have to rent an apartment or something for a couple of months until the new place is ready. Moving twice won't be fun, but I think we can manage with very little for a couple of months and put the rest in storage near the new house.

Having never built a new house before, I don't really know what to expect. I've heard horror stories from several people about what happened to their construction projects. A coworker who sidelines as a painter hastold me about construction errors he's had to repair before he could paint new homes. However, we have walked through several homes in various stages of construction by this builder. We've seen everything from homes that were just being framed to those that were almost completed, and I have to say that I didn't see any obvious problems. This guy has been building homes in our city for 38 years. He claims that many craftsmen have been working for him for over 25 years. Maybe that's why the work seems to go so smoothly on his projects. About 80% of the subdivision we'll be moving to was built by the same company. Several homes are under construction, and there is only 1 lot left in the subdivision that's unsold. Work is beginning on a new subdivision adjoining ours to the west, and 2 new subdivisions are under construction to the east of us. One of those is a gated subdivision of rather expensive homes. I think the area is going to be one where property values will rise faster than average in our city because of all the new homes in the area.

I had to be out of the house much of the day today because realtors were showing it virtually all day, so I took Caleb to the park again. I walked around the pond carrying him. I stopped at one point and put him down to watch some ducks and a goose. He was okay until the goose started moving towards him. Then he reached for me and said, "no, no." We walked farther around the pond, and encountered some people who were walking dogs. Everytime Caleb saw a dog he would say, "kitty cat, kitty cat." Since we have only a cat, he thinks everything cute and furry is a kitty cat right now. I enjoyed my day off with my son today. I have to work tomorrow, and Saturday is his birthday party. I wonder how that will turn out.

We have had our home for sale for about six months now. We had it sold twice, but the deals fell through because both potential buyers could only qualify for FHA loans, and FHA doesn't finance condos unless they were registered with FHA by the original developer at the time of construction and approved by FHA. Ours, of course, wasn't. The contract with our realtor is due to expire at the end of this month. We noticed the first time the contract end was nearing that suddenly they started to show the house more often. The same thing is occurring this time as well. The contract was renewed with the listing agent on January 1. The standard contract duration is 3 months. The realtors seemed to show the house quite alot at the beginning of the contract period. Then they went for about a month almost without showing the house at all. Now suddenly in March they are showing it frequently again.

Today was a frenzy of showings. The last couple must have liked the house quite a bit. The wife saw the house this morning, and this evening she came back with her husband. I had to leave the house while it was being shown. That is what the realtors ask you to do. The showing was set for 6:30 pm. I went shopping for some pants with my son, and we went back home about 7:30. Well, we started to, but the people were still here. So, we circled around the area several times until they left. It was nearly 8 pm by the time we could return home. I don't know for certain, but I assume they are interested or they wouldn't have spent so much time looking at the home.

Betty (my wife) asked me what we would do if we sold the house, and I lost my job. I don't know. I'm supposed to learn whether I will still have a job on Monday, Tuesday, or Wednesday. The time is growing close. If the house sells before then, we will have to do some soul searching as to whether we want to accept the contract or reject it. We could easily afford this house if I have to take a lower paying job somewhere, but the new one we want to build would be quite a bit more expensive. I think if we get a good offer, we will just take it on faith that the Lord knows what He's doing. If the house sells, and I am let go we could always purchase an older less expensive home.

I took Caleb to a local park that includes a large pond with ducks, geese, other birds, numerous outdoor sculptures, a hike/bike trail, and a manmade waterfall. Thought he would enjoy seeing the ducks, but he seemed to be afraid of them and of the water. I took him to the waterfall thiking perhaps he would enjoy that. Caleb did like the waterfall from a distance, but when I sat him on a rock beside the water he became frightened. I guess he is still too young to enjoy things like that. I am now typing with one hand as Caleb is asleep in my left arm. I want to take him places when I'm not working, but it seems that, at least for now, Caleb prefers to stay home.

Tonight we had a family gathering for Caleb's first birthday. His real party is Saturday the 20th with a barbecue and a few other kids and their parents. We gave Caleb a small cake of his own to play in and get messy with. He wanted the cake, but he started screaming because he didn't want his hands to be dirty. Later we let him play with a fork, and he tried to feed cake to all of us. I really enjoyed his birthday, and I'm looking forward to his party. I posted a few birthday pics of Caleb on his picture page.

I consider that I am, politically speaking, a conservative independent. I am a member of no political party nor have I ever contributed financially to any party beyond the $3 of my annual taxes that go towards presidential campaign finance. As a fiscal conservative I am not particularly pleased with President Bush's performance thus far. I cannot in good conscience vote for Kerry, though, so Bush will undoubtedly get my vote. There is more at stake in this country than just fiscal responsibility, and the Democratic party is on the wrong side of most issues from where I stand.

It has become increasingly difficult for me to vote for Democrats in recent years. I can vote for Democrats in local races where they will not be beholden to the national party heirarchy, but when it comes to national politics at the congressional and presidential level I find that I cannot. The reason is clear. The leadership of the Democratic party has drifted so far out in left field that they are beyond the pale. I fear that if I vote for a Democrat for congress or for president he will toe the party line rather than fully represent his contituents. When the pressure is on most politicians can't or won't alienate their party leadership.

I may not agree with everything espoused by the Republican leadership either, but I find their views to be less reprehensible on the whole than those of the Democrats. Sadly, I don't see much on the horizon in the way of presidential candidates in either party. We need another Ronald Reagan or John Kennedy, but I see only Gerald Fords in our immediate future. We need leaders who emphasize what's right about America while still striving to improve on its shortcomings.

The presidency is as much an inspirational and moral leadership position as it is a political office. We need some one who talks about how good this country is rather than one who emphasizes our problems. George W. Bush is better at this than John Kerry, but, sadly, he is no Ronald Reagan.

Today is my son's first birthday. I feel priveleged and honored that God has allowed me to become a father after years of trying. I pray that I can be the kind of father I should be to my son.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY CALEB!

I Love You,

Daddy

I was talking with a coworker about homosexual marriage. Does it hurt me, he asked, if homosexuals are permitted to marry? The easy answer is no, it doesn't. While homosexuality is clearly a sin, so is abortion as birth control and any number of other quite legal activities. On that level it would seem that homosexual marriage should be legalized.

However, one may look at the issue from another angle. If homosexual marriage becomes the law of the land, how long will it be before churches are sued and forced by the courts to perform homosexual marriages? Sounds impossible, does it? Until recently I would have agreed. In light of the California supreme court's recent ruling that Catholic charities must include birth control coverage in their employee health benefit package, though, I think there is a real possibility that such a ruling could take place. This type of infringement of our freedom of religion is, I fear, destined to become more common, not less so. For this reason I believe thinking Christians must oppose the legalization of Homosexual marriage.

Why do I want a blog? I'm asking myself that question. I don't really know the answer. Perhaps it's out of some narcissistic desire to see my thoughts in print. I hope not, but that may be the case. I had another blog for over a year that I called An Ill Wind. For a time I posted daily or even two or three times a day, but gradually my interest waned. The same thing may happen here, or possibly I will be able to sustain my interest this time. We must face the fact that most blogs aren't updated very frequently and that most don't enjoy a great deal of longevity.

I used to think of myself as a writer. I wrote a number of short stories, won a few awards in college, and published a single short story in a long forgotten anthology. I began a novel which quickly became too weird for me. It seemed to take on a mind of its own. I abandoned the project when it became simply too creepy. My second attempt at novel writing fared not much better. I began what I still think could be a viable novel some years ago, wrote about 100 pages, rewrote those same 100 pages a dozen times, and sort of lost interest. Perhaps one day I will finish it, but probably not.

Probably very few people will read this blog other than friends and family. I am not a celebrity by any stretch of the imagination. My thoughts will never change the world, and maybe that's the beauty of blogging. It allows us the opportunity to perform self psychoanalysis. It's certainly less expensive than a shrink.

Caleb is going through a phase where he loves to turn things off and on. He doesn't care what; lights, the television, computers, what have you. At times this can be rather frustrating. For instance, my wife enjoys certain soap operas. Caleb seems to enjoy turning the TV off while she's enjoying an especially riveting part of one. It's almost as though he knows when the effect will be the greatest.

The last few days he has been crawling under my wife's desk and turning off her surge supressor, shutting down her computer. Since the router is also connected to that supressor, I lose my internet connection when he does that too. Just now, he turned it off for the third or fourth time tonight. I love my son, but I wish he would get over his fascination with switches . . . soon.

The company I work for is in the midst of a reorganization and downsizing of management. Those of us at the lower levels of management have had to reapply for jobs. At the end of this month it is conceivable that I may be unemployed. Although I believe I am highly qualified for one of the new positions, so are many others. At first I found this worrying and frightening as most anyone would. Upon prayer and reflection, I realize that I've done enerything I can. The rest is in God's hands, and I will accept the outcome either way. Those of us who are let go will receive a fairly generous severance package of one week's pay for every year of service. In my case that is 18 years. We would also, of course, be paid for all unused vacation time. I have 2 weeks and 3 days. Thus, I will receive almost 5 months pay if I'm let go. That should give me plenty of time to find another job. In addition, our health insurance would continue to be paid by the company for six months.

Some of my colleagues feel that after years of loyal service we are owed continued employment by the company. That is flawed thinking. The board and upper level management have a duty to maximize returns to the shareholders. If they fail to do so, they will be replaced. Now, I'm not trying to justify their actions or to accept blindly that upper management will make the right choices every time. In my opinion many of their choices have been poor ones. The results of this reorganization remain to be seen. I am doubtful of its success, but I am willing to wait and see the results. In time the consquences of this decision will become clear. Perhaps the company will prosper because of this decision; perhaps it will suffer. Of course I own some stock, but not a lot. I feel that investing one's retirement fund primarily in the stock of one's employer is a critical mistake. Should the company fail, that person has lost not only his job, but his savings as well.

I am at peace with the results of this reorganization however it falls. My wife is more concerned than I, but it is in God's hands, and all things work for good to them that love the Lord. Sometimes it doesn't seem that way to us, but our view is limited, whereas God sees the big picture. We have to trust His wisdom.

A coworker gave me a pirated copy of Adobe Premiere and Adobe Photoshop. I rushed home to install them on my PC. After I did so, I played around with Photoshop for awhile. The next day as I was praying, I realized that using pirated software is stealing. I know, "everybody does it," but that doesn't make it right. While I don't believe that any software is worth the prices Adobe charges for these two, the Bible says "Thou shalt not steal." I have, of course, unistalled the two programs. I don't want to judge those who are using illegal copies of software, but I realized that it is the wrong thing to do, and I won't repeat my error in judgement.

Tonight I decided to create a new blog. I shut down my old one, An Ill Wind because i had lost interest and needed the space on the server for my son's photos. I am the father of Caleb, husband of Betty. I consider myself to be a political conservative and a Christian. Maybe something I write here will be useful to some one. Maybe not.

Caleb is now almost one year old (March 11). He is walking and jabbering alot. My son loves his kitty cat, and kitty cat is one of his favorite words. For some reason he also says "ducken, ducken, ducken" quite alot. Caleb is obviously a smart boy. You can see his pictures via my home page at Dennis & Betty.

Caleb's first birthday party will be held on March 20. Come on over and join us. At this moment he is trying to eat the door to the linen closet. This morning I was sitting at my computer when I heard splash, slpash, splash. I found Caleb slapping the water in the toilet and laughing. Of course, I had to wash his hands because they are always in his mouth.

More later,

Dennis